Second best or an apprentice?

Three days in Poland. In many ways it feels like home, and yet in so many ways I am observing and taking in so much. Not only am I taking in how the kids behave, how the household works, what times to prepare things, and where to go each day, but also I am having to fill some pretty big shoes. I can't say I am really in charge quite yet since E is still very much still their nanny. This is good, and I feel like I am learning alot just by listening and seeing how she does things. Most definitely I will do a my own version of all of these things, but I think seeing a precedent will help me to acquire knowledge of what to expect and perhaps how to handle certain situations. I can't say everything will be easy or that I will always know what to do, but I am confident that I will be able to take everything one stride at a time. Perhaps I will even be considered just as good as her. I hope so.

There is still so much that I think about. Will they like what I cook for them? Will I be compared to what they had before? Yes, I think somewhat that will happen--but perhaps not for the worst. Will they like me? Silly question, but it still crosses my mind sometimes. It's so easy to feel only second best, but I keep telling myself that there is a reason for that now. I am being trained, and only when she leaves will I be tested. I plan on passing. :)

Step off the Tarmac and Say Hello

So today was the day that I reach my final destination and my first day with my au pair family. I can safely say that this will be such a grand adventure and I have already taken in so much. Although my morning started off very early, and I was reminded again of the goodbyes I would have to make, I was calmed of the fact that in a mere three months I would be back for a visit--there is some comfort in that even amidst my nervous feelings about going and living in a country I had never been before. With God nothing is impossible.

The flight was relatively easy and I even dozed a little (not much). I found it quite funny that I had to actually walk across the tarmac to get to the airplane, and that the passengers randomly clapped at our landing. (It wasn't an abnormal landing), and the fact that I had to again walk across the tarmac and be taken in a super packed bus to the airport entrance. So strange! But equally good for a story.

I have a sore throat now and I don't know if that is from not getting enough sleep or that I am coming down with something.... hopefully not the latter. And! I got through customs with no complications whatsoever. I am always nervous about those things. My au pair mum was waiting for me and we made our way to the car. It was nice--as I hoped it would be a thousand times over. Poznan wasn't much to see, namely because of the dreary weather and construction all over the city. I am told it will look much better in the springtime. Even so, I was intrigued by the Eastern European look of all the shops and buildings. There is certainly alot of culture here. Equally so, the little villages along the way were so charming to pass by. And so much mistletoe in the treetops! Everything here will take getting used to, but I am willing the challenge and hoping all goes well.

Lunch was nice. Cauliflower, a salad, rice, and mince steak was prepared for us with some wine. It looked so special and yet so perfect as a welcome. Later we watched Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and had a nice, simple dinner of bread, cheeses, some meat, and a pepper with some tea. How lovely is that? :)

I am very pleased to be here and I see such kindred spirits in the family. They are truly one of sweet personalities and such kind hearts. I am confident my time here will be a blessed one. Of all the things I am scared of it's getting to and from places in the car. Can I successfully drive here and not get lost? I truly hope so.

Goodnight my dears. I hope this finds you well.

Happy

Yea, Lord, we greet Thee, Born this happy morning;
Jesu, to Thee be glory given.

Happy Christmas all. I can not imagine a more perfect Christmas even as I am writing so far from home--because home really should be where Love and Happiness abound. On Christmas Eve I was blessed with spending it with my beloved and his family. To be with him and to share what we both believe in, to feel the love I share with him and for our Father, celebrating our God's birthday, to experience the traditions here in England, and to bring in Christ's birth with the company of friends, candlelight, communion with fellow brothers and sisters of Christ, and an amazing worship service just as midnight struck. The night seemed so perfect--just like that night Christ was born. 

Happy Christmas, and may it bring you every happiness, peace, and great heaps of Love. For Love is what we have been given this holiday and all the days of the year--the Love of a Father who brings Hope and Joy to all who know and remember Him. A Saviour whom we call Christ the King. Praise be.

Christmas Eve Eve

Having been in the UK for about a week, so much has happened since then! First off, arrival was quite an interesting event, but all is well. I got through customs, and my bag arrived safe! Yay! :) I have had some worries about my upcoming trip to Poland, but hopefully it is all sorted. We shall see after Christmas... pray that all goes well for me dear readers in my next installment of travel next week.

The weather here has been surprisingly mild, with only a few days that have been purely English--cold and wet. Most days have been like home, although I have heard that home had a tornado watch and in December too! Craziness. At any rate my fluffy coat has been keeping me very warm. I literally can't feel a single thing when it is on. Oh and if you are wearing it in a very warm shop, you will feel like you are in a sweat shop. It was a very good purchase. :)


I am so very very happy to be here with my love and his family. Christmas here has been different but altogether just as meaningful. I love walking through High Street and smelling the pastries from Greggs, hearing a bag piper playing on the corner, and seeing all the Christmas displays in the shop windows. The carol service last week was also so beautiful. I really do miss hearing the choir singing at Christmas. 


Now to see if we get a White Christmas! (It doesn't look promising, haha) 
Love to you this Christmas.

Leavin'

Well today is the day! I have everything packed in one suitcase for an entire year, under the weight limit too. And then I have my small but fully packed backpack to take on the plane, PLUS my furry winter coat. You know, the one Mom says makes me look like a bear? ;) Ah but it is so warm. 

Everything seems to be in order and I am just waiting for the hour to pass before we head to the airport. Then on to my nonstop flight to London for Christmas. This is it. Happy Day. :)

Pray for me and safe travels. I will be doing alot of it in the next year. Merry Christmas all!!

Good Morning Sunshine

Not even halfway through the day and it's already been such a lovely Sunday. I have the entire day to myself, and have no work to think about. Not to mention my last day is this coming Saturday! I am so excited.

What's more I started the day off with a fresh batch of banana pancakes. Yum! 

And to make things even better my au pair family called me this morning from Poland to say hello and have a brief chat. I love mornings like this.

Time

 Time. It has a place for everything.

I find myself a mere two weeks away from my departure from the States; somehow the time can't go fast enough. In such a short time I am preparing, mentally and physically, for my long awaited adventure and life building experience. In such a long time I am trying to imagine the day already here. In eight days I say goodbye to my job as an underpaid department store clerk (nothing wrong with that if you enjoy it) and start a new life more in tune with my passion and love--the English language. I cherish this time of goodbyes and hellos. It only means that new horizons are in sight and right now they are in a sunbathed light of fresh purples, teals, peaches, and bright scarlets. Who knew the world could be filled with such amazing things.

In the throes of preparing, I find myself wanting to pull out the suitcase and start to fill it. Unfortunately I know that packing for an entire year in just one suitcase is no small feat, so I am trying to convince myself to wait until next week. (It's so hard!) In the meantime, I have been shopping for last minute things I will need, a bit of clothes shopping in there, and some gifts for the family. I already have them wrapped, that's good right?

I must admit I have a new obsession. Brace yourself... knee high socks. Yes, knee highs. And now to those don't know what it is about them, because truthfully, I don't even like wearing socks that often, but somehow this year I am so enthralled by all the pretty patterns, and the softness and the cute marketing they show on what to pair up with them, that I have become obsessed with getting new ones. I can wear them with boots, layer them with tights, and wear them with flats. Oh yes, it is quite amusing.

I think my modern style conscious didn't kick in until now in my 20s. I can say I don't think I wore what was considered 'in style' as a child, or as a teen for that matter. But now, especially working in a department store where you are constantly being buried in clothes, my eye for cute outfits has really emerged. Maybe I got older, who knows. All I know is, I am digging the tights and shorts, and the layered longsleeve T with a dress over. Oh and boots--love the boots. Tune in next time for more updates on the last week home.

Every Day - A Day of Thanks

"O Lord, who lends me life, lend me a heart replete with thankfulness." [Shakespeare]

Another year older and this year I look back at all the things that have happened over the past year. I really feel like I have grown from a young adult to a full grown adult--but that may be from all the different things that I have experienced and the things that continue to be given to me. I am so incredibly thankful to have finished my Bachelors degree; it's nice knowing that the hard hours I worked for it have paid off. Now for job hunting haha!! And I am also very very grateful for the roof my parents have let me sleep under while I get my feet wet and ready to run in this world. My next step is to move away and I could not have had a better set of parents who saw to it that I was well cared for in the last days of 'growing up'. Even now as I am about to embark they still carry on the task of gracious parents so well. I love you Mom and Dad.

And how could I ever forget the beautiful and wonderful trip overseas this past summer. The chance to grow in love and relationships, to visit old places that meant so much to me and continue to mean so much to me. The chance to see new places and to make memories there to keep always. And to bring them back to call upon and remember fondly like they were yesterday. The Lord continues to show me so much and I am ever grateful to Him for loving me unconditionally. I am so very lucky. Not only that but I have been truly blessed to have a best friend and loving guy that shows me every day how special I am to him. In all the time I have known you I am continually amazed at how strong we are growing together and even oceans apart of how much we care and love each other--despite all barriers or difficulties. Thank you for wanting me with all of your heart. I love you so, my sweet.

And last but not least, I am grateful for the upcoming events that I will be experiencing. This trip to Poland I feel will be quite a new chapter in my life, but also one that will open new doors in terms of where I will go and live and work. The people I will meet and the opportunities to visit other places will all teach me (and remind me) of how God takes care of His children and how much He thinks about us. I hope and pray that these things bring me to where God wants me to be, and wherever that is I know it will be wonderful and fulfilling.

My dear readers, you are also why I write this. To not only share my musings with you, to share my love of writing, to get out what speaks to me, but also to inspire you to take life as it comes to you, to listen to God and to know how much He truly loves you. To be grateful and thankful every day that comes and goes--with the utmost joy and happiness. Happy Thanksgiving friends, and may God bless you wherever you may be.

Todays cute findings

I want this for my bedroom in my future house! Isn't it cute? :)

With her nose stuck in a book...

 A. A. Milne for inspiration today

Not sure why I have Winnie the Pooh and A.A Milne in my head tonight, but here's one of his illustrations. I thought it looked the most like 'being frugal' which is mostly the reason for tonight's post. I see this picture and think how kind Christopher Robin is by trying to repair something he loves so much and using what materials he has. Simplicity--love it. 

I consider myself to always have been frugal. Growing up our family was always aware of not being wasteful and thinking about saving rather than spending. It was something I was good at. I still am. You talk about someone who saved pennies. I remember taking rolls of them to the bank to be deposited. That bag was pretty heavy, but nonetheless it was logical practice. Something I am still grateful to have even today when it is perhaps appreciated and understood more than in my younger years. I understand why it is so important now because I have become a grown up. 

I never realized how money can put such a damper on things until now. I dread having to worry about one day being in debt or not being able to provide for daily necessities. Is our world really getting to be that bad? Well, yes yes it is. as much as I wish I had the dream job I always wanted I am very grateful to be in the good position I am in. Although I am in the beginning stages of moving away from home (hopefully permanently) I am humbled that my parents have never forced rent upon me or daily payments on such things as insurance, groceries, and phone bills.  This is not to say that they shouldn't be compensated, and I plan on giving them a 'thank you for being so supportive' stipend, but that they understand what it means to struggle and wish to keep me from that while they can. They are very merciful you see. :) Furthermore, I see them struggle more now than ever before and it makes me think twice about superfluous expenses and things I could really do without. 

Some things I have done to help save some $$$, though they may be small and silly...

•  Coupons. Although I am not nearly as awesome with this as some people.  
• Name brands aren't everything as long as it is quality. Sometimes this is hard to do, but I have been going more or less for the cheaper lesser known brands. And most of the time it's just as good. 
• Thrifting. You would not believe how much money I have saved. Clothes are so darn expensive! Save a few bucks and supporting recycled goods at unbeatable prices. 
• Similarly to thrifting I have been trying to go for cheaper stores such as Big Lots and Dollar Tree. Although some things are not any cheaper and aren't readily available, you can still save a few dollars by getting specific items there that you know are cheaper than anywhere else. Just make sure you aren't being jipped by quantity.
• Grocery shopping wise Aldi does a pretty good job of offering low prices and pretty decent food items. Granted they are much smaller than the average grocery store, you still save by buying items here. Anything else we can't find there we buy at our regular grocery store but it's all about trying to save yourself some money to use for other important things.
• Need vs. want. We all struggle with this one, but since money is so precious nowadays I have really begun to think twice about what I need to get and what I really should be getting. I have saved alot of money just be dealing with this idea. 
• Investing in the purchase. This is somewhat a vague idea, but I have been applying it to things by asking myself how much it will last compared so another item and if it is worth paying the extra 30cents. Some things that you may not realize are that for example some bars of soap last way longer than say liquid soap. Little things like that can save you from buying some items so frequently.
• Using a smaller amount of toothpaste. Okay I know this one is silly, but seriously they say on the back of the tube that a pea-sized amount is what you should use! Come on people you can use half that and still have a quality clean brushing. And your toothpaste will last longer by months!

I am also trying to pay off my loan at twice the minimum payment to get that debt down alot sooner. I want to be able to proudly say I am debt free and to stay that way. I think I am lucky in that it's manageable and could easily be paid off in full at this very moment, especially so fresh from graduating. (Not sure I want to do that though and leave myself with very little cushion..) Regardless, the thought of getting behind in payments and not using my money wisely scares me. It keeps me on my toes and lets me know the reality of the situation our country is in. We need to practice healthy spending and saving.

Those are my world-saving tips for the day. I hope they were meaningful. Happy saving, friends. :)

Mmm... mmm good!

For weeks I have been wanting to make this. It looks soo yummy! So today I set off to check the butternut off my list of squashes and pumpkins my dad bought me. I admit butternut was not something I grew up eating.. ever. My beloved is the one that introduced it to me and after making it just a few times I love making soup out of it. I don't know why we didn't buy it before. It's cheap, makes alot of soup if you use it for that sort of thing, and its very nutritious and healthy. Win! Plus it's perfect for those fall and winter weather days. Or just because. :)

Taste wise I guess it could be considered similar to a sweet potato and a vegetable. Really nice flavor and if you add the right spices it gives it a a nice balance of sweet and savory. Plus I love the rich, creamy texture it leaves once you blend it up. Beautiful!

I have to say I didn't have all the ingredients, so what turned out to be a raiding of the spice rack and a few less vegetables turned out some pretty awesome homemade butternut soup. This was my version still following the directions, but with some variation in ingredients.

•  1 Butternut squash
•  1 Medium Onion
•  1 Tbs olive oil
•  3 or so garlic cloves (some were tiny and one was huge--go by taste)
•  LOTS of spices--salt&pepper, rubbed sage, thyme, allspice, and dried basil
•  1 can of chicken broth
•  2 cups or so of water with chicken bouillon added. 

(You might have to add more water once you  blend as it does thicken up nicely)

Even though I didn't have the celery or the carrot the canned broth ended up having some of that in it anyway, and I thought the allspice would give it a nice sweet flavor to go with the savory thyme and sage. Seriously this was some good soup! I definitely think roasting the garlic and the squash bring out more flavor and it very easy compared to say boiling. I have heard you can microwave it, which is faster, but I like the taste the roasting gives it. Also, I just want to say, get an immersion blender! It will save your life and makes soup making so easy. I ended up finding one randomly in my mom's pantry drawer never used. Love it! I might have to steal..erm borrow hers. Shhh! ;) After being in England I found it was a common household item there compared to here. They seem to be big soup makers, something I really admire and hope to me more like myself. I see now how enjoyable and beneficial it is in terms of time, quality food, and in saving money. You can make soup on a very low budget and it lasts you awhile depending on the size of your crowd.

Seriously try this. You will love it!
PS. Check out the recipe and Cook Your Dream's blog. I stumbled upon her site when spending a whole afternoon drooling over recipes all over the internet. Love her creations :)

Being... green?

Peak District, England. Isn't it pretty? :)

Today I find myself thinking of things I would like to do. Simple things like being 'more green'. I have always despised that term. It makes me think of being too much of a hippie, or an environmentalist. I don't get into those kinds of things (Sorry I don't mean to offend), however, I think the term lends itself to something that we should pay more attention to without being too political or crazy. Let me explain :)

 One such thing I would like to is to have a clothes line outside. Not only would this save energy in the summer by taking advantage of the lovely hot weather and bright sunshine, but there is just something refreshing about fresh, clean clothes on the line. Call it old fashioned but I miss seeing it so much in England. They use them everywhere and it made me think how practical it is if you have the right amount of space and sun.

Another said 'being green' idea I brought back from England was the idea of composting. Now this more useful if you have a use of it, like if you have a garden. I'll get to that later. ;) I loved how they saved things like egg shells, fruit and vegetable peels and coffee grounds. I remember as a child I started a compost pile once. It was fun to ask the family to save me things that they normally just threw away. I understand waste more so now that I have grown up. Americans can be so darn wasteful! It truly is saddening sometimes, but this one simple thing of saving to reuse was something that made me think how wonderful and yet simple. It's the little things in life, you know?

I <3 gardens. I think in the past few months or years I have come to this conclusion. Homegrown food is just the way to go and I think there is some comfort and pride in harvesting something you worked so hard to grow. And yes my ever growing love of cooking has also made me love gardens alot more too. Unfortunately our land has never been growing material--this Georgia red clay is truly a curse--but my grandparents have always had a large garden and every summer we come home with bags and bags of fresh tomatoes, corn, peppers, okra, and squash. Someday I wish to have my very own garden choc full of yummy veggies, herbs, and maybe some fruit bushes and trees. The only thing I wish I knew how to do or to explore more is canning. That will definitely be a must!

All this say, getting in touch with what our grandparents and great-grandparents knew about raising food and saving things is something I truly admire and wish to get closer to. After all it means so much more when you cultivate and do these things yourself. I for one think so anyway.

Of squashes and time...

Since graduating I feel that I have begun to explore my life in depth. No longer are my days and nights filled with homework, lectures, rehearsals and studying. I feel that I am able to actually use my time for simple life things that aren't consuming me or making me feel that I have too much routine. That is a word I am starting to hope I never have too much of.. Routine! What I hope for myself is to not become boring and ordinary. Does life really become like this? I hope not! I want to be free and enjoy doing new things while enjoying things I have always done too. There has to be balance. I finally feel like I have time for some of my loves. Actual time to delve into them and broaden them in so many ways. 

I love to cook. Perhaps I should have gone to cooking school and become a chef. Right now I am so happy spending the entire day in the kitchen slicing, stirring, baking, and of course seeing the beautiful results. Taste is always good too, but call me crazy I just like to make it! I feel that since I have come back from Europe and am finished with school that I have become more in tune with ingredients and foods that I have come to love and never had much before (or never). I have become what I like to call a foodie but I consider this to be a very good thing. Think of all the smiles that come from people tasting it. Right now my obsession is with squashes. Acorn, butternut, spaghetti, pumpkin, and a whole mess of others that I am looking into making things from. I am loving this! This week has also been the creation of pickled peppers as well as dried. I feel like I truly am a renaissance woman and would very happily love to have a garden, some herbs, and a sweet country house. But I do like my coast houses too. Maybe one of each if I'm good? :)

I also am happy to have the time to start writing again. It has been too long since I have been able to focus on my fiction and nonfiction. I like to devote all my time to it rather than dabbling here and there with it, which is why I think I have been out of it for so long--too much going on in the way of ed-u-ca-tion. However, this degree is something I am very proud to have and also a great help in making my writing better than before. I am very much hoping that my time in Poland this coming year will be the start of more writing. I feel like a children's book. What say you? 

Goodnight my dears.

Psalm 27:14

 "Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord"

Poznan

I think I can finally stop holding my breath! God is so good--It's official! I got the au pairing job overseas! Dear readers meet Poznan, Poland, my new home come the new year. This is sooo cool :)

I love the beautiful colours.

Patient endurance

"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36

So here I am down to the wire. In just a few short days I will know the answer of whether I got my first choice au pairing job overseas! Also, this week has really been an eye opener to me in not only future prospects but also in relationships. I've also learned alot about myself and my past self too. Lots of good things from all that God has revealed. Here's a few:

 -  My relationship with God is foremost what sets me apart from those who don't know Him. Likewise, this special bond has made me closer and more aware of how to be in a relationship. I am constantly learning what love is and how it grows and develops. It's really a wonderful thing to experience. The real and true love that's worth fighting for.

-  I've also learned alot about job hunting in the past 3 or so months. I've come to understand that it's not as easy as it looks. People don't always snatch you up and employ you first thing after university. It's also taught me humility in being so sure of my future plans. Ultimately I can dream and wish about what would be nice to have, but God is who works up my own special plan. I have come to be patient, to not be so negative when nothing comes up, and to take this as an experience in endurance and faith. Somewhere somehow there is a real-life job out there waiting. When it comes I'll be ready.

-  Au pairing will definitely be a life changing experience and I am so glad I registered! I know I have stated before at how blown away I am at all the offers I have gotten (and continue to get). This really was a big thing that God has shown me in the past few months as if He was trying to get me pushed in the right direction to be steady on my potential journey in the job sector, especially in something related to the English language. He knows best--always.

-  Patience truly is a virtue and in the past few years I have come to experience how to be patient in so many ways. I've also become more and more of a true believer of what faith is and how it works. No one can teach you this until you actually experience how to acquire, believe, and understand what it means. How God has molded me is part of finding faith and understanding how to have faith in what you can not know or see, and that if you really want something faith makes believing what God wants for you so much easier to come to believe and want yourself. Such an amazing thing and I really really am grateful for this experience.

This being said, I will finally know what is to come of the decision about the au pairing family--the one I am really hoping I get. I am to have a short chat with them this weekend when they will tell me whether I got the job or not. I am so excited! It's so close, and I really feel confident that they will say yes. After all this time of correspondence back and forth and an interview with my parents the answer is finally close at hand. Two more days. :)

Make me an instrument... a pleasing thing for you

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

The past week has been as I hoped it would be since my last entry. I have several decisions that I am currently trying to process, and a whole lot of excitement and uncertainty as to what they hold. Despite that God has always been constant and the only thing to hold onto. Faith. This past week I've done a ton of prayer, and allot of thought. But most of all I am pleased that new things are on the horizon and that I have a way to explore new paths in my life and progress toward newer and better things.

Since my last entry I have had more positive feelings towards the au pairing offer. This is largely due to several things that have come to my attention concerning the whole ordeal.

1. The large response I have received to au pair in such a short amount of time.  I am blown away at this and yet realize it is God's way of telling me that teaching English is something I not only want to do, but was also meant to do. 
2. The overwhelming response from families overseas. (One a very frequent few have been from my own country!) I really think this is God speaking to me, because I remember thinking when I came back from Study Abroad 3 years ago that I really felt connected to being and living over there. I began to think of it as home, and it was for a short period of time. In other words, I felt my calling was to countries other than my own. I thank God for that opportunity. 
3. The opportunity to travel and experience new people.You can learn so much from other cultures and countries and I think it makes me wiser for actually being immersed in their life. It makes me understand them and the world more. 
4. Perhaps I can work toward establishing a place of my own by taking this tiny step at moving out of the home base. 

I consider these great things to be considered and that God is working to create an awesome story for me to live. I am also grateful that He has been speaking to me about my future. I am amazed at how beautiful His plan for me is and how He has continued to show me of how little I know and how much I have to learn.

You can say I have really been listening to what God wants in my life as an adult--how He wants me to be, act, and be an influential light to those around me. I also see it, as listed above, as a way to push myself toward moving out of the nest (something I long to do, as does every child at a certain age). However, I am also learning that this may be something tough to handle for my parents, and I think God has shown me what it will be like for my parents to have to go through with my leaving. I understand that seeing me, their firstborn, out on her own in the real world will be something new to them--something not only wonderful but also frightening. I feel so ready, and yet I want them to be ready to. This all resulted in a nice daddy/daughter chat with Dad, just the two of us. I tried to be careful how I put things, and to make him understand that I was ultimately trying to pursue the life that God is wanting me to lead. I think he understands but not without some sadness at seeing the inevitable knowledge of his daughter leaving the nest very soon. Maybe it is a learning experience for them too. I have to bring myself to remember to keep this in mind. Parents always want the best for their children and work at making and molding them into capable beings to stand on their own. I thank my parents for the hard work and love they put into my upbringing. It is exactly what has made me so strong and ready to pursue going out on my own, as well as my sense of calling.

Decision wise I have pretty much made up my mind that this is what I am supposed to do and that I can't pass up this opportunity. So my game plan for the next few weeks? While I am still waiting to hear about the first au pair offer (and have a very strong suspicion that I will get the job), I have decided to also go through with the second au pair family as well and am waiting for the weekend to officially break the news to them. I hope to hear news from the other family very soon. If all goes well with both families I will have a few months with the first, Christmas holiday break, and then off to the next family for about a year.

I have to tell you I feel so happy and excited! I am so ready to do something fresh and new, but above all I am humbled at being able to serve my Saviour and use my gifts for his glory. Just the thought is joyful. 

I pray that I will know more soon. Waiting is almost as bad as knowing!

Wake up call, numero what?

You may be wondering what the title of this particular entry is trying to say. It's related to my thought for today and this past weekend in that so many times we are given a wake up call on what path to take, what decision to go through with--it can be anything. However, I wonder how many times it dawns on us how many times the said wake up call was staring us right in the face. Maybe more times than we want to admit.

Thinking about all the au pair offers I have had in the past month (at least 6!) and my recent trip overseas has got me thinking. Hard. Ever feel that your calling is well, somewhere not where you are? Bam, that was it. Perhaps my calling is overseas, to places I never dreamed I would go to. I can remember telling my Dad that I really felt that I would land a job overseas. Nothing else seemed right when I came home from my study abroad trip nearly three years ago. So why did that thought float to the back of my mind recently? Even I wish I knew. God knows what is best. There must be a really good reason why all the job applications I have sent off have left me empty handed, a bit concerned and very discouraged. I want to do editing and publishing, but clearly I can't force a job that isn't there. So what did I do wrong? Is my resume not good enough? Did I not sufficiently write the awesome cover letter that I thought I did? Sometimes we just aren't meant for the things we really want. It's coming to terms with that that takes some getting used to. It's not to say that I may never get into editing or the publishing world--maybe it's to come later. That being said, I have been blessed with so many people all over the world who have never met me before, and want me to come stay with them and take care of their children and I get to make some money on the side. I gotta look this in the eye and ask 'Lord, is this what you have been trying to tell me all along? That my calling is teaching English?'

So that's just it. I knew when I worked at the Writing Center at university that working with non-native speakers was something special to me. I connected with them. I loved teaching them English on as basic and simplistic a level as I knew how, and even more ,it's what got me thinking of teaching English at all. I began to hink about working towards getting a TESL certificate in the near future. Thinking back on it how can I ignore that that very future may be now?

Roughly that is what my thought process has been like in the past few days. Maybe my calling is to go to another country than my own to share and teach a language that still so few know. I'm listening. I'll let you know what the Big Man upstairs has to say and soon.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

After a few wonderful months away from home, I am now back to the grind of all things 'normal'. I say this because sometimes I wish I could go back to adventurous and spontanteous sightseeing and being in Europe. Ah life. I have to say though I had a wonderful time; just as it should be and how I expected. I knew I would fall in love with England all over again, and miss the lavender that grew everywhere, and trips to the market and grocery store for amazing dinners and times spent in the kitchen, walks in the park with D, and waking up every morning so very glad to be where I was. Now I am home. Home, just home but somehow it doesn't feel like home anymore. Is that then 'normal'?

Since arriving home I have begun to think alot about being a grown up. I have a university degree now, I have a job (albeit not one I want to have), I still am in the process of finding my own place, and have some offers to au pair overseas. All good things going for me right? Right. But how do I know what is next? That's just the thing. I can't and don't know what I am to do next or where it is that God is going to place me. I think this past week I have come to understand that worrying about it only makes my stress level peak and that it doesn't make me listen any better or acknowledge that some things can't be planned. You just have to let them fall into place. I am telling myself that daily, and hopefully I can hear Him speaking to me of where I am to be. Waiting can be so hard sometimes, but I know that it leads to something more wonderful than I can ever dream up or plan myself. Pray for me, my friends.

"There's a song in my heart that sings for you.." <3

Investing in a people's heart

Today I find myself thinking about many things. How much I love walking and all the sights seen today, as well as the joy in the fresh smell of clean clothes and how I wish we had a clothesline at my house. The reason for today's pensive mood I suppose is due to my volunteering at a community newspaper here in the north of England. I am trying to build up my resume after a few months now of applying to a thousand different publishing jobs. It all comes with a bit of patience and telling myself that someone somewhere wants me. The question is when. That truly is the question--I'll get back to you on that.

I went out today to help cover a story with the newspaper. We were going to a local school who were walking to a nearby park to raise money for a children's charity and to encourage the families to be proactive in the community as well as taking the time to walk rather than drive to school. All very noble causes. My role was to take pictures for the paper. It was rather intriguing to walk with all the little ones, hearing them laugh and sing. The walk itself was nice, and I was able to see a different part of town and see new faces. The park we went to was a much nicer part than where I am staying. It was almost like being in a different town altogether. Another marvel of this city, it has such a diverse way about it! I think that is one good thing I admire about it.

Being in England has been good for me. It has shown me just how different, and the same, that we all are. Perhaps I get teased more for the way I say 'water' or 'herbs', or perchance I am older than my last time here and more aware of these kinds of things. That said the people here are very friendly, diverse in cultures, and have such an interesting way about them. How can one ignore the ways of the town and what these people do from day-to-day? I am very lucky to be able to walk the same pavement and buy the same food they do--to invest myself in the way they see the world and their home.

I am still trying to decide if I prefer the north or the south of England. So far I am indecisive and can only say that both have their merits. Such a diplomatic way of deciding, but if you truly look at anything there may not always be a straight answer. So my readers, my request to all of you today is to take the time to look today, not just with your eyes, but also with your hearts.

Happiness is.. England!!

Trent Building--Nottingham University UK

Wow the past two weeks have been absolutely glorious! Not only have I been able to get away from home, work, school, but I have also become the happiest girl on the planet. Things are so so good right now. The past few weeks have been filled with love, friends, good cooking, day-trips, car rides, long walks, and yes cozy nights inside for film nights. Nothing compares to being back in England. It never felt so good to be here again and see new things and things that I remember from last time, to meet new people and to laugh like no-one's business. I had the whole day today to walk on campus today--the very same university I was taking courses from for Study Abroad nearly three years ago. So beautiful, even if the sky was grey and weather gloomy. It was fun to walk through the buildings I used to mosey around in my 'university' days and to walk around the lake. Since I've been away they put a coffee shop in my favourite bookstore! Brilliant :)

Today was a good day. How was yours?

Bon Voyage!

So today marks the last day I'll be home in awhile. I'm all packed and ready, just waiting is keeping tomorrow from coming. First off to grandparents up north for about a week and then I start my travels overseas starting in Paris. Yay! This year has been a good for me, and I am sure the bright start to new beginnings and chapters to come in my life. Who knew graduating and making new opportunities and adventures could be so exciting and eye opening. I am very grateful. We have a very early start tomorrow (5am ugh), but it's so worth it. I miss car trips and traveling. I think it's somehow part of my DNA to go to different places. Life is very exciting at the moment. Goodnight dear readers. May you be safe wherever you are, and here's hoping you too are able to have your own adventure, be it small or very grand.

Carpe Diem!

Well the last two months have certainly flown by! Apologies for the late update, amid final exams and graduation I am finally able to stop and smell the roses. Friends, oh my they smell so good! I can officially say I am a university graduate with a Bachelors Degree (feels so good to say that), and that I can check university off my list of life accomplishments. After about five years it's high time it was done and dusted! So what is next you ask? Well a much needed holiday. I must admit I am still getting used to not signing up for classes with classmates, no more studying late nights, or any homework of any kind. Well.. except for what I call my own homework here at home. However, I am enjoying the time off and the fact that I can put school behind me. It's very nice to be done and to feel accomplished. In a few weeks I am off to see family in the Northern USA, and then off to Europe. I am so blessed what the past year has given me and am continually grateful for this upcoming trip. Life is so good right now, and I have allot of faith that it will keep getting better.

I also have been thinking about the job spectrum, since that is the first thing you are supposed to do after graduation, right? I am currently employed but I would like to do something more enjoyable and in my field of study. My dream is an internship offered this fall with a publishing company, since my love is editing and books--lots of books! So I plan on applying for them in a few months, but I put in a few applications in the mean time. We'll see what happens. I truly think the next few months shall be a very grand adventure. I plan on taking it on with hope and joy to what life brings to me in the time ahead.

I hope, dear readers, that this finds you well. Keep writing, reading, and pursuing those lovely little things in life that give us courage to take on the bigger things.

The stars will fall and dark will light the way/we'll hit the ground and fall into the shade/I'll light the night with fire and run away with you, with you. - 'Blush' by Plumb

Photo courtesy of National Geographic

  

Thrifting + New clothes = Happiness

As a child thrifting was something we did quite frequently. My mother was all about saving money by buying us gently used clothes. Somehow as I got older that changed... and working at a department store doesn't help. Today, however, I dove right in and was determined to rediscover what I have been missing all these years. Little did I know that I have in fact missed it a bunch.

I purposely went thrifting with some new jeans in mind. Cleaning out my wardrobe, I've noticed that since losing weight over the past few years I could use a few new ones that actually fit. Why have I been wearing oversized and baggy jeans? You tell me. It's time to change that. I know how expensive they can be and the last thing I want is to spend more than I have to on a new pair. That's when I rekindled my thoughts on thrifting days of my childhood, and hey I get to spend so much less.

I have driven past a Goodwill store a few times and never actually been in the place, so I went to check it out this afternoon. They aren't the cheapest I have seen but I did find some good deals. After trying on what must have been about 10 pairs, I finally was able to find two pairs to take home. And they were in pretty good shape - gently worn of course but in really nice condition - and one was an Express pair. There you go! Think of how much money I saved there. Along with the jeans, which were a little over $5 a pair, I found a cute shirt-dress (from Rue21), a sundress, and a practically new pair of sandals, and the whole thing only cost me about $28. Score! Today was a pretty great day in the world of shopping. I plan on trying to save more by buying more from thrift stores. Of course there are only things I would only buy new, and that is where the department stores are reserved specifically. For the time being it's nice to relive days past of finding bargains that save a young twenty something some cash. Try it sometime. You'll surprise yourself.

Shooting for the Moon, and Stormy Rainclouds

I sometimes find myself in over my head. In every decision we choose between what we want and what we need, what we dream for and what is actually attainable. While there seems to something of a fine line between high ambitions and the impossible, more often than not, I find myself trying to accomplish the two all at once. Today has been one of those days when I get discouraged. Really discouraged.

Like most people, my dreams and aspirations have changed over the years. When I was younger it was simple - I wanted to be a mother. Truth be told I still do, but I know that won't come for awhile yet, (ie. the man comes first, then planning my wedding, then we'll start thinking about that!). Then I turned to my love of animals and wanted to be veterinarian until I took Chemistry in the 11th grade and found out I hated it. After that my passion turned to photography and I was determined to become a professional for National Geographic magazine. High ambitions much? Yes, but that's what I love about the young mind. They believe they can do anything. Ever since I was ten I dreamed of publishing my own book. That dream may be the closest to something realistic to aim for. My love of writing has never left amidst my ups and downs of 'what I want to be when I grow up'. Truth is, do any of us truly know the answer to that? Even as we get into our twenties and thirty-somethings we may not even be able to successfully answer that question with confidence. I know for me the answer isn't simple at all. I don't want to narrow it down to one thing - I want to be able to do many things. As for what seems impossible, that is something I am still musing over.

Now I find myself truly immersed in my love of editing and writing. I feel that I am being led into this lifestyle and am doing my best to learn the trade as best I know how. I like this. I want to pursue this. Currently I am aspiring to apply for an editing internship with a well-known publishing company up north. There are several pros to this and I think about them everyday; however, there are also some things that may be difficult and I worry about them too. What if I don't get it, and if I do where will I live and how will I pay for it? At times I seem lost and unsure if I should be doing this. There are so many unknowns that seem to be whispering doubts in my ear.  If I should be doing something 'more safe', but I know that if I try for something that may be easier, but by no means rewarding, then I will regret any chance at getting something meaningful and truly magical in my so-called life quest. I like to think life it's full of adventures, but maybe we don't try hard enough to find them and carry on past the hurdles. At present I am torn between trying for something not so ambitious, or going for it and seeing what happens. We shall see, we shall see.
PS. Thanks for listening, dear reader.

What's Your View?

View from the Eiffel Tower - Paris France (National Geographic)

I love this picture. I love it because the colors blend together, the view is unique, the shapes of the people are visually appealing... oh, and I am going to Paris in a few months to celebrate my freedom of being a college graduate. This picture got me thinking though, what is my view on things currently?

My last semester as an undergraduate started about a month ago, and despite being incredibly happy to be closer to reaching that final day, I feel really burnt out and ready to fast forward. Really, do I have to study some more, or write up that last presentation? All I want to do is find that dream job and travel a bit. However, I know things aren't that easy, and even more so that those things have to be worked for. I know that the wait is well worth it, and that the things to come will only mean more and be truly rewarding. I just have to strive to get to that point.

It all sounds rather negative, yes? Not entirely. I look back two years ago when I came back from study abroad and began the process of looking at transferring schools and trying to find a job. It make me humble to think of how far I've come since then and how much I've achieved. I have now have two jobs, and am a mere three months away from gaining a Bachelor's degree. I think I deserve some credit at working to achieve something and with such vigor. This means a lot to me. Moreover, what I choose to do after means a lot to me as well as the people I choose to influence and build up my life. The past year gave me encouragement for the day I would walk to obtain my degree, and above all to have gotten one at all. That is something worth celebrating, singing for joy, and smiling until my face hurts---and yes, I will be doing all of those. I am extremely excited for what awaits me this year. Last year was pretty great, but this year will mark new beginnings and special adventures that I can only have dreamed up years ago.

I also am extremely grateful for my friendships that have enriched my life in the past few years. I have prayed that some of these would continue to blossom, and God has only blessed me with more love and happiness than I deserve. I was thinking today of how much He is a part of me, and that if I ever tried to explain that to someone I hope they would see Him in me. The greatest love I have ever known has come from Him, and to share that with others is something I hope to fulfill. This trip to Europe will bring me closer to seeing some of those friends whom I love so dearly. My heart is full at the thought of seeing them again.

My life has a beautiful view thus far. So readers, I ask you what's your view?

Snow!

Winter came down to our home one night

Quietly pirouetting in on silvery-toed slippers of snow, 

And we, we were children once again. ~ Bill Morgan, Jr.

Secrets

Sometimes I am amazed at how easy it is to tell the world your secrets rather than the intended person. Why is that we can openly speak about our deepest thoughts of our hearts on a blog (thinking that no one is reading it), but when it actually comes time to tell that respected person  we freeze up and hold everything back? This question came to my mind recently, and as much as I wish I knew how to make sense of it, I know that it is something that needs gentle encouragement. A wise lady once said "It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else". I really like this because of its frankness and simplicity. Our secrets are sacred to us and to let someone in on them, well it does take quite a lot of encouragement to share them, especially with someone who means the world to you. However, if I were to write my secrets here it wouldn't be given a second thought. Go figure. 

 Hey, but acknowledging that I have thought about this counts right? I suppose so, but what about action? Truth is if it is meant to be said then wait for the right moment, and if it isn't then wait. Moreover, if it isn't meant to be said then it is yours to keep. I imagine this is such a struggle for mankind because we are sometimes hard to understand when it comes to showing how we feel. One the one hand, we show too much and ruin the moment at hand. On the other hand, we give too little and risk losing something that means a great deal. Complicated much? It doesn't have to be this way, but it is. Since I have put some thought into this, I am trying to take a look at it from another perspective - the other person at hand. I know how frustrating and hard it is for them to want to know. I have been there myself. However, I also know what it is like to be afraid. It's like losing a piece of yourself, but I try to think of it as sharing a piece of yourself instead. Sometimes it's the little things that mean so much, and no matter how much you might want to hold on to those secrets... sometimes the best thing is to let them go. 

Cometh Thee Readers.. Pick up Thy Pen and Write

You write to communicate to the hearts and minds of others what's burning inside you.  And we edit to let the fire show through the smoke.  ~Arthur Polotnik

It's usually around this time of year when I write thank you notes to my family and friends for all the wonderful Christmas gifts. I've been doing it since I was a little girl, and being one who loves to write it's stuck with me through the years. I remember my brother and I would write them carefully in pencil, hand them to my mother to be proofread, fix the mistakes until they were perfect, and then send them off to be mailed to their respective recipients. I loved getting notes and letters as a child. I still do, but what saddens me is the endangered species that writing has become. Perhaps it may be so close as to extinction. Who knew what used to be such a vital part of human life and communication would be picked up and turned upside down. Letters? What are those? The are simply a beautiful way of talking to someone in absence and a way of keeping something to be looked at over and over.

Last year as part of a research project for one of my university classes, our professor asked us to write a research proposal on a question or problem we would like to address. I chose mine on why cursive writing has declined. After reading a bazillion articles and papers on the subject, however, it came to my attention that it wasn't just cursive that had declined in schools, it was grammar, spelling and mechanics. Largely writing itself, the very meat and bones of education, had become a subject that just wasn't as important as the rest. I began to question the reasons why it was declining in schools, and thus my research proposal was born. I enjoyed reading into the subject and as a result my relationship with writing increased more so than ever before. I had always loved writing, but knowing that it was in danger of becoming a lost art made me want to put it back into society. Amid all the technological advances writing has certainly taken a backseat; however, my understanding is that it shouldn't have to be set aside for something that is 'easier'. Writing and reading are how we understand technology. Moreover, it is writing that helps us understand and communicate in day to day activities. Of course we may use technology to communicate, but don't we first need the knowledge of how to read and write? After the semester was over I kept my research proposal. All eighteen pages of it. Perhaps I someday propose to use it to bring writing back into schools and to enlighten society on its meaning and purpose. After all it is one of my first loves. I humbly ask when you write an email, a grocery list, an address, or even a birthday card that you think for a second on the importance, even if it be small. Above all I ask that you keep writing. I know I will. :)

The Merry Year is Born..

 This being only a few days into the new year, I've begun to think about what the past year has brought and how the new year will follow. 2010 was a good year for me. I became closer in finalizing my degree and am now one step closer to finishing it in its entirety. I became closer to one of my best friends and saw our friendship grow and flourish before my eyes. Now as it says in Proverbs I "smile at the future" because it brings me hope and happiness that it may be closer and truer to my dreams. Perhaps above all 2010 gave me ways and means to look forward to what 2011 will bring. I am ecstatic that this year I will graduate and finally achieve what it seems has taken ages to obtain - my college degree. What greater happiness than to know that all that I have worked for will be rewarded. One step closer to something wonderful in my life and the hope that what I tried so hard to get will provide me with new and exciting things. I am truly blessed to have gotten this far. I am also pleased that I will be able to finally go back to England, the place that in 2008 I had traveled to for study abroad. It was something that changed me and brought me closer to the understanding and knowledge that what I had been given was truly remarkable and that God knows and sees our hearts and gives mercy and love to all. I have been given much and for it all I am truly grateful. I look forward to being able to go back to a place that gave me so much happiness and hopes of returning to those that mean so much to me.

I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.  ~Author Unknown

I look forward to what is yet to come, for half of the excitement is seeing where God takes you. I hope this new year brings you the understanding and happiness of Him, the Creator of all things, and our Father who loves us wholeheartedly and without fail. May your hearts be filled with His love and all that He gives. Happy New Year, friends.