Wake up call, numero what?

You may be wondering what the title of this particular entry is trying to say. It's related to my thought for today and this past weekend in that so many times we are given a wake up call on what path to take, what decision to go through with--it can be anything. However, I wonder how many times it dawns on us how many times the said wake up call was staring us right in the face. Maybe more times than we want to admit.

Thinking about all the au pair offers I have had in the past month (at least 6!) and my recent trip overseas has got me thinking. Hard. Ever feel that your calling is well, somewhere not where you are? Bam, that was it. Perhaps my calling is overseas, to places I never dreamed I would go to. I can remember telling my Dad that I really felt that I would land a job overseas. Nothing else seemed right when I came home from my study abroad trip nearly three years ago. So why did that thought float to the back of my mind recently? Even I wish I knew. God knows what is best. There must be a really good reason why all the job applications I have sent off have left me empty handed, a bit concerned and very discouraged. I want to do editing and publishing, but clearly I can't force a job that isn't there. So what did I do wrong? Is my resume not good enough? Did I not sufficiently write the awesome cover letter that I thought I did? Sometimes we just aren't meant for the things we really want. It's coming to terms with that that takes some getting used to. It's not to say that I may never get into editing or the publishing world--maybe it's to come later. That being said, I have been blessed with so many people all over the world who have never met me before, and want me to come stay with them and take care of their children and I get to make some money on the side. I gotta look this in the eye and ask 'Lord, is this what you have been trying to tell me all along? That my calling is teaching English?'

So that's just it. I knew when I worked at the Writing Center at university that working with non-native speakers was something special to me. I connected with them. I loved teaching them English on as basic and simplistic a level as I knew how, and even more ,it's what got me thinking of teaching English at all. I began to hink about working towards getting a TESL certificate in the near future. Thinking back on it how can I ignore that that very future may be now?

Roughly that is what my thought process has been like in the past few days. Maybe my calling is to go to another country than my own to share and teach a language that still so few know. I'm listening. I'll let you know what the Big Man upstairs has to say and soon.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

After a few wonderful months away from home, I am now back to the grind of all things 'normal'. I say this because sometimes I wish I could go back to adventurous and spontanteous sightseeing and being in Europe. Ah life. I have to say though I had a wonderful time; just as it should be and how I expected. I knew I would fall in love with England all over again, and miss the lavender that grew everywhere, and trips to the market and grocery store for amazing dinners and times spent in the kitchen, walks in the park with D, and waking up every morning so very glad to be where I was. Now I am home. Home, just home but somehow it doesn't feel like home anymore. Is that then 'normal'?

Since arriving home I have begun to think alot about being a grown up. I have a university degree now, I have a job (albeit not one I want to have), I still am in the process of finding my own place, and have some offers to au pair overseas. All good things going for me right? Right. But how do I know what is next? That's just the thing. I can't and don't know what I am to do next or where it is that God is going to place me. I think this past week I have come to understand that worrying about it only makes my stress level peak and that it doesn't make me listen any better or acknowledge that some things can't be planned. You just have to let them fall into place. I am telling myself that daily, and hopefully I can hear Him speaking to me of where I am to be. Waiting can be so hard sometimes, but I know that it leads to something more wonderful than I can ever dream up or plan myself. Pray for me, my friends.