Shooting for the Moon, and Stormy Rainclouds

I sometimes find myself in over my head. In every decision we choose between what we want and what we need, what we dream for and what is actually attainable. While there seems to something of a fine line between high ambitions and the impossible, more often than not, I find myself trying to accomplish the two all at once. Today has been one of those days when I get discouraged. Really discouraged.

Like most people, my dreams and aspirations have changed over the years. When I was younger it was simple - I wanted to be a mother. Truth be told I still do, but I know that won't come for awhile yet, (ie. the man comes first, then planning my wedding, then we'll start thinking about that!). Then I turned to my love of animals and wanted to be veterinarian until I took Chemistry in the 11th grade and found out I hated it. After that my passion turned to photography and I was determined to become a professional for National Geographic magazine. High ambitions much? Yes, but that's what I love about the young mind. They believe they can do anything. Ever since I was ten I dreamed of publishing my own book. That dream may be the closest to something realistic to aim for. My love of writing has never left amidst my ups and downs of 'what I want to be when I grow up'. Truth is, do any of us truly know the answer to that? Even as we get into our twenties and thirty-somethings we may not even be able to successfully answer that question with confidence. I know for me the answer isn't simple at all. I don't want to narrow it down to one thing - I want to be able to do many things. As for what seems impossible, that is something I am still musing over.

Now I find myself truly immersed in my love of editing and writing. I feel that I am being led into this lifestyle and am doing my best to learn the trade as best I know how. I like this. I want to pursue this. Currently I am aspiring to apply for an editing internship with a well-known publishing company up north. There are several pros to this and I think about them everyday; however, there are also some things that may be difficult and I worry about them too. What if I don't get it, and if I do where will I live and how will I pay for it? At times I seem lost and unsure if I should be doing this. There are so many unknowns that seem to be whispering doubts in my ear.  If I should be doing something 'more safe', but I know that if I try for something that may be easier, but by no means rewarding, then I will regret any chance at getting something meaningful and truly magical in my so-called life quest. I like to think life it's full of adventures, but maybe we don't try hard enough to find them and carry on past the hurdles. At present I am torn between trying for something not so ambitious, or going for it and seeing what happens. We shall see, we shall see.
PS. Thanks for listening, dear reader.