Yesterday night marked the night E left to go back to her family. Seeing her go brought so many things to mind as I watched her say goodbye to the family that truly has embraced her as a sister and daughter. As painful as goodbyes are I know that they bring with them hope and many truths to the emotions of the heart. I witnessed the kids wanting her to stay and the family too. It made me happy and it also made me hope to be as good a person as she has been to them. I wanted at that very moment to be someone they come to admire, to not be purely compared, but to be someone they come to know also as a part of their family. I imagined the day that I too would leave and I wondered if it would be as bittersweet as I saw now.
I have to admit it felt strange to be there at that moment. Knowing that I was taking her place, but also knowing that I have a little while to go before I gain the same love that they show towards her. Perhaps for the first time I felt like a new girl on the block--only this new girl had 'THE job' and would be given a precedent to follow.
I don't know why I am so worried about being compared. I think it is only natural to want to be as loved as another person, but I think I need to focus on being myself and being who I know I should be. I know how to act, to do what I am told, to have a positive and righteous attitude towards this entire endeavor. It is what I wanted, and I still want to go through with everything. I want to be strong, to live the life God gave me and to do it well.
The first week was easier than I expected in as much as transitioning into the life I now lead here. What I am learning will come natural to me in time. I know this--it's getting myself to keep remembering that is the key. I WILL know these roads, and I will gain new friends and a new family. Because it's the path God has laid in front of me, and I'm so glad I followed it.
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