Heart & Hand

"But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself , so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God."

[And with the winter months their hearts were cold and unbecoming, but then spring came and melted their disparaging thoughts and minds. Then things were beautiful.]

 At the coming of May I am again reminded of so many things. Not only has my life been truly full and blossoming, but I am also able to share so much of my life with others. I was reminded by this verse of the 'course' or mission that I am on here, and of how very important it is that I follow through with it--whatever it is that I am called to do. I have been trying to do more in the way of finding God's purpose for me here, and to fulfill it to the best of my ability. In more ways than one I can see what it is He is doing for me here and it makes me happy to see His plan unfolding. We are so small compared to what He has prepared for us--I know that more and more.

I see this year as a huge milestone. Not only do I turn 25 (yikes!) but I also have been able to pursue more of my interests in English. Since being here God has really opened up opportunities to help others with English in the way of teaching or editorial work. This is something I have been praying about and I am excited at the possibilities that are unfolding. Perhaps my dream of freelancing is starting to unwind, still there is so much work that needs to be done. Regardless, I am grateful for the much needed experience. I have also learned how to manage a household. I list this as one of the blessings of this year because one day I will have to manage one of my own, and being a part of this family here in Poland has only opened my eyes to how it will be. I feel like a parent, teacher, housewife, and caretaker all in one--only I have limitations because I am in another person's home. However, being given these responsibilities has helped me to learn what I would do differently, how I would apply certain things to my own household. I used to get frustrated and discouraged when I was seen as the 'outsider' to the kids or how they test me with their actions and attitudes, but I realize all these things happen to strengthen and build us up. I know now how challenging, as well as rewarding, these things are in our lives. I feel older; I feel more prepared. I know God wouldn't have placed me here without wanting me to go through these things for my benefit and to use this as something to look back on for a learning tool. I have learned patience, even when I thought I was patient enough. From working here I have realized there is always room for more.

I have been placed in many churches in my life, and while I first questioned being a part of this one here in Poland I know that somehow I am to be an influential tool here too. I love being able to worship, strengthen my faith, and to build some friendships with some of the elders of the church. I haven't had much luck with fellowship with the youth of the church or spending much time with members, but I hope if anything that I can be of some influence or encouragement in some way while here. I see this as more of a place to help myself grow than to obtain lasting friendships, although that may happen too. Sometimes, God gives us ways and means to help ourselves be 'fed' in order to help us grow. I think He is feeding me now with being in this church.

Likewise, perhaps one of the most amazing thing that has happened this year is my incredible experience getting to know God better. I have the church to thank in helping me see and think more about what it means to be strong in God and how important it is to live your life in such a way that reflects Him. Throughout this year I have made more of an effort to pray, to have more intimate time with God, to read more of the Bible, to influence and encourage others in living a more Godly focused life. These things have become so very important to me. All of these things have no doubt helped me to become the woman I am, and I have come to love what I see. I am yearning to be taught more in the ways of compassion, mercy, love, and living for Christ. He has, after all, done more for me than I can ever think was possible. His everlasting love is what has made me want to be a child after His own heart. Now perhaps with His love and influence I can influence the work my hands are doing in this place.

Only 5 months into this new adventure and I relish at the thought of what the next 7 months can teach me. I am hopeful for what God has in store for me, and even more excited for what He has planned after.